Close
by The Madman From The Bronx
Summary: "You've got to call off the wedding before it's too late. You know I hate saying this, but..." "Do you?" Kyler whirled around. "Do you hate saying this? Because it happens to serve your interests quite well."


Lines blurred; colors spread. Try as she might, she couldn't push past the tears to see the flowers Nancy had so dutifully picked.

Things she could use more of, she'd told her.

Protection, courage, happiness, health, love, peace, and wisdom: all were things she needed.

Kyler wasn't even superstitious, but now she'd try anything. While sitting here waiting for the man she loved to reappear as suddenly as he'd gone, she realized she was the same as every other woman.

A year of living together, fighting, learning each other, and there was still uncharted territory. She never thought about what she'd do if Matt were to disappear like this. That happened to other people. In addition, she knew Matt never thought about it or even thought about thinking about it. It wasn't in his nature. She should be so lucky to have landed such a prankster.

Her great uncle Brendan had blown up the castle, and she hadn't given a care about it until now. But maybe this place was cursed after all. The negative forces of the world didn't stop coming together because two people were in love. And now that anything could happen to them, maybe everything could happen to them. After all, if they couldn't even enjoy a wedding without a hitch, then how would life continue after that? Every day Matt wasn't here, he became clearer in his smile, in his laugh, in his speech, as she expected him to walk in the door again. He had to, didn't he? She'd never loved this way before, never this fervently or this desperately or this completely. Only now did she understand what love was, what married life would be.

Then there was poor Kit standing outside of their little circle of affection, stiffly looking on with his hands in his pockets, and truly she felt for him, but she had her hands full with her own feelings and didn't have the time or energy to deal with his. She'd be able to talk it over afterward with him, except she wouldn't. She and Matt would be married then. Still, she couldn't even think about doing it now. At least now she was able to admit it to herself. Her eyes closed: more tears. _Matt_, her mind cried as the pain clawed at a place she couldn't reach, transcending the aura of mental anguish that had taken her spirits today. _Come home_.

A knock sounded at the door, startling her.

Quickly Kyler lay her head into her arms on the desk, feigning sleep.

The knocking persisted, louder. "Kyler?" Kit's voice carried through. "Can I talk to you?" If it wasn't Matt's voice, why was it so comforting? Kyler asked herself. When Kit raised his hand to knock again before fighting his conscience, she felt it. The two had known each other for over five years now. It was impossible not to know. Now he'd let her sleep, figuring that she needed it. Kyler knew Kit. When she heard a sigh, mutterings, and descending footsteps, she knew he'd lost. He was always thwarted by his conscience.

On a whim she rose and crossed the room, taking a flower from the vase and stroking it contemplatively. Larkspur, she remembered: health and healing. Things she could use more of right now. Things she needed to come without precedent, show up uninvited. Heaven knows she was far more stoic than brave. Otherwise she'd be out helping her maid of honor find her groom rather than just sit here in the library, reading books.

And she was so tired of just sitting here in the library, reading books.

On another whim, she put the larkspur back, took a sprig of yarrow, and closed the door behind her. She'd have to pass through Kit's living quarters, but that couldn't be helped. Cursing the lack of privacy, she held her head high. At least in the garden she could be alone, once she told Kit to stay put. He would because he was Kit. Never in her life had she met such a mild-mannered American, and never in her life had she met another one she preferred. The only person that could get Kit a little riled was Donal, and probably because Donal had too many things to say about Matt. Matt was Kit's best friend, whether he had taken the woman he loved or not.

Kit was already standing when she'd descended; he must've heard her footsteps in the tower.

Kyler raised an eyebrow and nodded as she passed, forlorn.

"Where are you going?"

"Somewhere where I can be alone."

"I wanted to talk to you."

"I'm sure it can wait."

"I wanted to apologize." Kit took a step forward, lowering his head ever so slightly. "Nancy found Matt's luggage. I'm sure she told you. Anyway, you're right." He gave a contrite little laugh and scratched the back of his head. "As for the sketches, you know I didn't mean anything by them. You have to."

Kyler nodded slowly. "Apology accepted. Now I really must—"

"Where are you going?"

Perhaps it shouldn't have, but that hesitant yet inquisitive tone drove her half up the wall. "I said, to be alone," she snapped.

"And where are you going to be alone?"

Kyler closed her eyes and drew breath. "Kit—"

"I understand that you're mad at me. You don't want to talk. I get it. But Matt's disappeared. Nancy's been gone for hours. For all we know, they've both been snatched. Your going out alone is a bad idea."

Kyler had nothing to say to this, so she settled for a pointed stare.

"So it's either you tell me where you're going or I'm coming with you."

Furrowing her brow in annoyance, Kyler walked out the arch and slammed it.

Kit caught the door. "I take it you're going for the second option, then?"

Hunched forward, Kyler did her best to ignore the dark-haired young man and walked briskly.

"Kyler—"

Kyler whirled around so fast that Kit leapt back. "We're not talking. You're accompanying me. We're not talking."

"All—all right."

Releasing a breath she hadn't even known she was holding, Kyler squared her shoulders and continued, the flower still held tightly in her fist. Her feet carried her to the garden and familiarity, but her mind resisted, taking her to a place she was sure she'd never seen. Her heart seized in her chest as her eyes scanned the bench, looking for the vows she'd tried a few days ago. If Kit saw those—

—but, miraculously, they were gone.

At least something had gone right that night.

Sinking onto the bench, Kyler sighed and allowed herself to deflate, placing her elbows on her knees and her neck in the crook provided. She'd never been one for poor posture before.

Kit gingerly sat on the opposite end, waiting for a complaint.

None came.

"I'm sorry I'm not Matt," Kit said, and maybe it was the sincerity, the hurt, the muffled pain, but Kyler's resolve finally toppled. Every inch of her sentiments turned to embers, glowing red hot. She blinked, struggling to hold herself in.

"Kyler—" Kit leaned forward, arm outstretched and palm down. If she needed a shoulder to cry on...

"I—" Kyler rose from the bench, blinking again. "Kit, I'm truly sorry for the past few days. I can't imagine how hard they must've been for you. Seeing your best friend go missing, dealing with me as I lost my temper. Just know—oh, bother, I was never good with words." She dropped her head, hoping Kit wasn't sneaking up on her. "I never wished you were Matt. I would never trade you for him, or him for you. Kit, you're special in my life because you aren't anybody else, and as that, you're still my best friend. That never stopped, not even when I met Matt. So don't go wishing you're anybody else because it simply won't do. If I've even remotely made you feel that way these past few days, I'm horrified, and I apologize."

Kit might've been smiling a few feet behind her, and the mere possibility of it after days of his hurt brought another round of tears to her eyes.

Hang feelings. They always came at the wrong time.

"Still, Matt's not here, and he should be, whether it's any fault of his or not," he said. "I've seen what it's doing to you, and I want him back, too. But Kyler—" His voice was closer. He'd stepped forward.

Kyler braced herself.

"I was wrong before. I'll admit that," Kit said softly. "But you have to at least consider the possibility that he isn't coming back. His stuff's here, but who knows? I'm not saying it's likely, but... Matt doesn't pull pranks like this, Ky. I've known him for years."

Oh, he was courageous, bringing that up after being paid such a compliment, risking her temper. Kyler let her head fall to her hand, stopping the age-old nickname before it ripped clean through her. She wouldn't cry, she told herself. She wouldn't worry.

"You've got to call off the wedding before it's too late. You know I hate saying this, but—"

"Do you?" Kyler whirled around. "Do you hate saying this? Because it happens to serve your interest quite well."

Kit winced, stung. "I want what's best for you and for Matt, Kyler. I always did."

Kyler sighed. What had gotten into her? she thought to herself. Turning on the only ally she had now that Nancy had… had gone. "I know, Kit, I'm sorry. It's been a long night, is all. I just have to go back to the wedding preparations and keep hoping."

"You can't sit tight forever. Nancy's doing her best, but if Matt's really gone, there's nothing else she can do."

"Where is Nancy?" Kyler pondered, pushing the thought of sending her back to the States away. "I haven't seen her for hours. She barged into the library last time I saw her, looking for some books. Then she took notes and left."

"I saw her wandering the grounds earlier," Kit said.

"Oh, goodness. I do hope she's all right."

"I checked the bogs."

Kyler shivered at the implication. "Donal?"

"He sent her to shear the sheep, but that was long before either of us last saw her."

"Kit, I don't like this. If she disappears too, it'll—it'll be my fault."

"Nancy knows how to take care of herself. Don't worry about her."

"It's true I've many other things to fret over," Kyler laughed weakly. "Oh, Kit, what am I going to do? Suppose you had been right about Matt leaving Ireland?"

Kit looked into his hands, guilt enveloping him.

"Now of course that's the least of my worries. He may not even be—"

"Let's not think the worst," Kit gently cut across, looking up.

Kyler bit her lip. Normally she hated being interrupted. Now she was grateful.

"But we do have to look at the other possibilities," he continued.

"What if he doesn't show?" Kyler's voice wavered. "What if he doesn't come back?"

"If he were able to come back of his own volition, he would have a long time ago," Kit said. "Something's keeping him, but Nancy's hot on his trail. If anybody can find him, she can. And besides, we're out in the middle of nowhere. How many things could have happened to him?"

"I'm sure we'll find out."

"Well, Donal and I have ruled out a few. Matt isn't drowned, he's not at the Inn, and apparently he's close by."

"Whether dead or alive."

"We're staying with alive," Kit said firmly. "There's no reason to assume otherwise. We haven't found him, and he hasn't been away long enough to have starved. Like I said, we're out in the middle of nowhere. The possibilities aren't infinite."

"What with that... thing Nancy and I saw, they certainly appear to be." Kyler shuddered.

"Yeah. I heard you scream." Kit shook his head. "Didn't go running after you, though, against my better judgment. And even wanting that, to run after… why does Matt put up with me?"

"Because you never once made a pass at me." Kyler smiled to the moon. "I'd be cross with Matt if he did anything but tolerate you. Besides, Kit, we attended University together. There's nothing you can do to devalue that. We're friends for as long as you can put up with me."

"And—" Kit looked down. "Don't misunderstand. I just have to know. What does Matt have that I don't?" Something he'd never asked before, never had the nerve to. Now, though—now was different. Now was too weird to be scared.

Kyler reached over and took his hand.

He stiffened and avoided her eyes.

"Kit, it's not about what Matt has, but what he _is_, what he's composed of, everything that makes him Matt. Surely you know that one falls in love with a person in his entirety, not a bunch of silly little traits. I love Matt for many reasons, but I love him as a person. You were different. For one thing, you understand me too well. We don't fight enough."

"Really?" Kit asked, and Kyler laughed at his surprise.

"Not about the right things." She paused. "I'm mild-mannered, and I love someone who is funny, bold, perhaps doesn't think enough before he speaks or acts, who isn't always thoughtful or considerate."

"So, in other words, I'm too nice."

"And if you weren't, you wouldn't be Kit." Kyler laughed again, lightly. "The first time I met you, I had dropped my texts everywhere, and you helped me with them and walked me to my class. As I recall, you were quite late for yours as a result."

"Only because I was already late," Kit chortled.

"I was so happy with you," Kyler said, laughter demoted to a wan smile. "Now I can be happy with you with our going our separate ways."

Kit's own smile faded, and he turned his head sideways. "Might as well have never occurred for the good it did us."

"I disagree," Kyler pushed a strand of hair from her eyes. "I think that what we learned about each other from that relationship is the reason we're so close."

Kyler avoided her gaze.

"It may not seem like a good end to you, but I promise that soon it will." It was Kyler's turn to look away. "You'll find better."

Kit sprang up, startling Kyler. "Dismiss me by saying a throwaway line like that, why don't you?" He said stiffly, jerking his head over at her.

"Kit—"

"Better than you? Dismiss yourself while you're at it." He started pacing.

"Well, I mean it," Kyler's voice rose, matching his ire. "You'll find someone better suited to you like I did after meeting Matt."

Kit stopped and gawked at her. "_What_?!"

Kyler sighed. "I wanted to spare your feelings, but it's no good keeping the truth under wraps anymore." Wearily she looked up at him, and nothing save each other existed in that frozen inch of time. "It was almost you, Kit, but then I found somebody who was more of what I needed."

"Oh, great." The pitch of Kit's voice rose slightly. "What is it I didn't have that you need?"

"I already told you about that. The point is, I felt very strongly about you when I thought that there was nobody else out there. Then I found somebody I loved even _more_. Once you find your somebody more, you'll know what I mean. Right now, I may as well be speaking Greek for all you know. I'm sorry; it hurts. I didn't want to tell you because I knew you wouldn't understand. But someday you will, hopefully soon, so it was no use keeping it pent up!"

"So close," Kit whispered. "I was so close."

Kyler gripped the bench, steeling herself against the agony. "We were _both_ close to settling for what wasn't best for each of us. Give it another year, and you'll see."

Silence reigned.

"I don't believe it."

"I know you don't believe it. I'm not asking you to. I'm only asking you to remember so you have it for reference when you find somebody else. _Then_ I'll say I told you so."

It was a time before Kit spoke. "All right. That subject is closed. Now it's time for you to listen to me. I've left you alone for days now, watched you come to your own conclusions about Matt, even let you think he's coming back. But now you've got to start thinking about the wedding."

"What is there to think about?" Kyler turned her head slightly.

"It has to be at least postponed. You're running out of time."

"No. To postpone is to consider that he's not coming back, and I'm not acknowledging that at the moment. He must come back." Kyler bent her head and gritted her teeth, raising her hand. Opening her palm, she stared again at the flower she had taken from the vase in the library. Crushed now, and with the pigments staining her skin, it occurred to Kyler that she had killed it, and she was furious with herself.

"Kyler, this isn't one of his pranks. He's gone. We also know he's not in London, thankfully. My guess is that he's being held somewhere against his will."

"But _why_?" Kyler crushed the flower in her fist and turned to face him fully. "We haven't heard from anybody who may've taken him. It doesn't make any sense!"

"Just because we don't understand the circumstances doesn't mean Matt's not in danger. Outside of helping you, I've been trying to provide Nancy with what she needs to find him. Everything that's being done is being done. But even Nancy might not be able to get him back."

"She hasn't even been here the night, Kit. Give her a chance."

"It's not any fault of Nancy's if she can't find him. She can only do her best. You have to understand the possibility that she won't find him, though, or by the time she does find him, it'll be too late."

"Matt's more resilient than that. And before you go into the fact that I'm walking into a marriage where I'm going to spend the rest of my life with him and have to deal with him d-d-d-ying, _nobody_ dies this young without a reason."

"I'm only asking—"

"For me to listen? Well I won't, I tell you, I can't, people don't just _give up _on the people they love!"

"Sometimes it's necessary to face the facts."

Kyler wrapped her arms across her chest.

Neither spoke for a time after that. Kyler didn't know how long, but the sky seemed to be growing lighter by the minute.

"So in a way it's goodbye," Kit murmured.

Too weary to be startled at the sound of his voice, Kyler lowered her head further. "I wish you wouldn't think about it that way."

"Well, only in a way," Kit emphasized, taking a step.

"You won't abandon me, will you, Kit?"

"Never." Though the 'too' that might've snuck out kept him rooted to his spot.

Kyler said nothing and the two stood, subordinate to the silence.

When the land opened before them, spitting out a huge white—white thing, for lack of better description—over flames that showered the waking dawn with its hues, both felt slightly outside of themselves, as if they were seeing the surrounding events as gods or fairies or Donal, since he believed in both.

Kyler was the first to come to her senses and run, out the garden, past the well, toward the circular indent from where the light had come. A moment later, Kit was fast on her heels.

"Nancy? What on earth is going on?"

Kit froze. He tried to banish the mirage, but it stuck to his eyes.

There he was.

"Matt!" Kyler cried, her voice catching.

"Kyler! We're trapped down here!" He was unshaven, his clothes tattered, but it was his best friend, all right. "Get a ladder or something!"

"Oh, Matt! I've been so worried about you! Where have you been? I missed you so much! I was afraid I'd never see you again!"

Kit looked down into the pit as Kyler rambled and smiled ever so slightly, happy to see his best friend alive.

"And I've got so much to tell you. No, I take that back. There's only one thing I want to tell you, I love you, do you hear me? I love you!"

As Kit heard Matt start to repeat the oath, he retreated slowly and softly, swallowed by the darkness of the grounds.

Somebody had to get the ladder.

* * *

So this one's been sitting for nearly a year now. There's a sequel that takes place at the wedding, and hopefully I'll have that up soon. I haven't really polished this one, so hopefully it's not too convoluted.

In terms of characters and continuity, _Malloy_ has been one of my favorites (even with the copout at the end). Didn't leave questions or loose ends like many other of the games, not to say I don't love them. All of the characters were fascinating and well-developed, and I really liked how they interacted with each other and how much their actions made sense. These guys felt real to me.


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